


Disneyland Mayhem

by tehsasu



Category: Fantastic Four, Spider-Man (Ultimateverse), The Avengers (2012), X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Disneyland, F/M, M/M, Multi, clint and natasha have a food fight across the entire park, everyone ends up in the one holding cell, hulk likes merry-go-rounds, poor disneyland security guards, superheroes should not go to theme parks, tony and reed totally speed up a rollercoaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2013-02-02
Packaged: 2017-11-27 21:55:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/666904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tehsasu/pseuds/tehsasu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are just some things that people aren’t allowed to do. Apparently, taking a bunch of superheroes out for the day to a famous, family-friendly theme park was one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disneyland Mayhem

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my beta Akari (who's username I have sadly forgotten). Sorry for such a random fic. Any further mistakes are my own.
> 
> Please note: I have not actually been to Disneyland before. I live in Australia so if anything is off, I do apologize.

Pepper knew this was a bad idea the moment she had been informed. When asked about it later, Tony would point the blame all towards Clint, even though there was a mountain load of evidence against him. 

Tony had walked into the kitchen – well, had been gently coerced into leaving the workshop and making a visit to the kitchen by Steve – on the phone with Pepper. They were arguing about business as per usual, so Steve wasn’t really paying attention. He was more concerned about getting something that wasn’t coffee or Dummy’s version of a smoothie into Tony.

“Come on, Pep, I want one. Please. Why won’t you let me have one? You can be the first one on it. Well, after me. Or, we can go together?” Tony begged.

“I’m sure we can fit it somewhere in the tower, or all around it. I’m thinking around it and then –“

“Where’s the fun in that?”

Steve piled the ingredients for pancakes on the counter and smiled at Tony. He knew from the look Tony had, Pepper was throwing around all sorts of business and public etiquette, and logic concerning whatever they were discussing.

“I don’t want to build a theme park. That won’t be ready in time. Come on, Pep. I just want a slide to wrap around the building, weaving in and out of floors. We can even have them in between floors so that it won’t disturb anyone or whatever and at the end of it, throw the slides into a ball pit of epic proportions. AND I want a rollercoaster looping all over this joint.”

Okay, Steve could see the problem in Tony’s plans and why Pepper was, after arguing with him for who knows how long, frustrated. Sometimes – no, all the time – it was like arguing with a two year old. A two year old with billions of dollars, a genius IQ and, apparently, way too much time on his hands.

By the time Pepper had finally snapped, hung up the phone, and refused to answer any of Tony’s attempts to continue the argument, Steve was well on the way to cooking a pile of thick, fluffy pancakes. 

The scent of pancake batter cooking was enough to bring the Avengers into the kitchen. Turning around with a small stack of cooked pancakes, Steve smiled at Clint and Thor waltzing in, their eyes already locked on to the plate. By then, Tony had K.O’d on the bench, mumbling something about a CEO not being fair and taking away all the fun.

“Steven, these pan of cakes smell delicious!” Thor boomed.

“More will be ready soon. Clint, can you get out the toppings please?” Steve asked.

“I’ll get the plates out,” Bruce spoke up as he came in.

“Cheer up Tony!” Thor thumped Tony hard on the back, making the man groan in pain. “Steven has prepared a feast for a king!”

“I highly doubt food will cheer him up at the moment,” Natasha said as she gracefully slipped into her seat besides Tony.

“What’s wrong?” Bruce asked.

Tony sat up fast, slamming his hands against the bench. “I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you what’s wrong!” Tony declared, his voice rising.

Natasha and Clint shared a look. A ‘this is our life now’ look, involving eye rolls and a small smirk tug at the corner of lips. They knew that they were going to be exposed to another ‘Tony rant’ and if possible, they were going to make it more enjoyable.

“Pepper! That’s what’s wrong. She has no fun bones in her body!” Tony exclaimed.

“Not any more at least,” Clint murmured.

“Tony,” Steve said, ignoring Clint’s remark, “Although I’ve never been on any of those, even I can tell that it sounds dangerous and outrageous.”

“They’re not outrageous! How can they be outrageous? Or dangerous? I mean, I’ve down and built some questionable stuff, but that’s besides the point, I build awesome stuff and this is – wait, you’ve never been on what before?” Tony asked.

Steve dished out the last of the pancakes on top of the large stack on the table and rubbed his neck shyly. “Ahh both options?”

“Someone, please, share with the class!” exclaimed Clint, slapping a big serving of ice cream on his pancakes.

“Ms. Potts is right. So is Steve,” Coulson said as he entered the kitchen, his focus still on the paperwork in his arms.

“You! You have no say in the matter Mr-I-don’t-know-how-to-have-fun-even-if-it’s-slapping-me-in-the-face,” Tony snapped.

“I know how to have fun. Fun is giving in and tasering you and watching Super Nanny while you drool into the carpet,” Coulson stated.

Clint smirked up at Coulson as the older agent raised a single eyebrow in questioning to the sugar castle building up on Clint’s pancakes. 

Instead of retorting like he usually did, Tony simply groaned and if it weren’t for Steve’s quick reflexes, his face would have met with the pancakes.

“Everybody sucks.”

“Seriously! People, what the hell is going on?” Clint asked, frustrated as he hoped someone would finally make the picture clearer for him.

Natasha closed her phone and patted Clint on the cheek, as if giving him some form of pity for his lack of knowledge on the matter.

“Let me guess, Pepper just told you?” Clint moaned.

“All I want to do is build a giant slide and a rollercoaster to make this tower more entertaining,” Tony mumbled into the bench.

“Don’t forget the ball pit,” Natasha added with a small smirk.

“Dammit! Do it, Stark or so help me, I will build it myself!” Clint exclaimed.

“You will not be touching my tower in any shape or form,” Tony told him.

“Wait, so you haven’t been on a slide before?” Bruce frowned at Steve.

“A giant slide,” Steve corrected, “There were normal, every day parks in the neighborhood Bucky and I went to as kids when we could. We couldn’t afford to go to any theme parks.”

“I do not understand,” Thor admitted, “What is a rollercoaster?”

“Okay, you know what? That’s it! We’re going to a theme park. I cannot have this team deprived of such joys!” Clint declared.

“No,” Coulson said quickly.

“No, ‘no’s’. We’re going!”

“Ahhh … “Steve and Bruce shared a confused look, having no idea whether or not they should back Coulson up on this or give in to the shared joy of Tony and Clint.

“Disneyland!” Clint shouted in joy.

*

Much to Clint’s disappointment, they didn’t go to Disneyland that day, or the day after that and the day after that. Steve suggested invited others along with them, make a day out of it with all their friends. So the Avengers sat down with Coulson and picked out a date and made a list of everyone they should invite. 

The moment that Pepper saw her email invite, she immediately sent a reply telling Tony to cancel everything and not cause any more problems for her or the company. Of course, Tony pointed out that it was too late, everything was set and she should join them because Happy and Rhodey had already agreed to attending.

It took a bit of convincing to get Pepper to agree to it but eventually she did. Tony even promised that he would inform the park officials about the large group.

Although he said that, someone should have at least checked, or triple check that he really had. However, as it were, everyone was busy with either saving the world, stopping Tony from making even crazier plans or keep a company afloat, that little and yet crucial detail slipped away. So when a large, overly excited group rocked up outside of Disneyland and being led by the Tony Stark, the ticket workers looked like they were going to have a heart attack. The only reason why they let them through at all because Tony had actually thought against and organized tickets for everyone. Tony proudly pointed that detail out when Pepper gave him a stern look and looked like she was going to start lecturing him.

If Pepper and Coulson thought this was a bad idea before at the mere mention of everyone congregating at a theme park, then the events that occurred made the words ‘bad idea’ seem pale in comparison.

*

There are just some things that people aren’t allowed to do. Apparently, taking a bunch of superheroes out for the day to a famous, family-friendly theme park was one of them. Unfortunately, there was no law that could stop it from happening again, but if Pepper and the park staff had their way, there would be. Currently, and well into the foreseeable future, murder was also not allowed, which Pepper was so close to committing.

Within twenty minutes of stepping inside the park, Tony was pestering Pepper about wanting to purchase Disneyland, since she had refused to allow him to build attachments to the tower. She flat out refused, telling him once again to build his own damn park. When Steve had pulled Tony, by the hand, to the largest, most ‘thrill seeking’ rollercoaster, Pepper had thought that at least Tony was in good hands and would be distracted enough to not to something stupid. Oh, how wrong she was.

Tony hadn’t been too impressed by the ‘thrill seeking’ part of the whole rollercoaster experience. He remarked, quite loudly and proudly, that he had more of a thrill in the Iron Man suit than the contraption the park had. Somehow, that had then escalated to Tony arguing with Reed Richards and a few others about the speed a rollercoaster can actually go before being condemned as too dangerous. Unfortunately, no one witnessing the argument didn’t even think they were speaking English and was unable to point out that their definition of dangerous and what the general public thought was dangerous were two completely different things.

After commandeering the rollercoaster and tinkering with the mechanics and inputting some changes to the data on the computer side of things, Tony, Reed and Johnny Storm decided to test out the monster they had created. Steve and Sue Storm glanced at each other, worried and decided to tag along, since both had bad feelings about this.

It was a total mess. The carriage couldn’t withstand the speed they were going at, and no one had remembered the fact that there should be a point where the ride slowed down. Sue managed to stop the carriage and stop debris from flying everywhere, while Reed had stretched out to help with deceleration.

If it weren’t for the fact that they needed Tony and Co. to fix things, the whole group involved would have been hauled, under arrest, all the way to security immediately. Security had every intention of detaining them after Tony and Reed and set things right, but then their attention was pulled elsewhere, enabling Tony and Reed to casually walk off.

Security, ride staff and parents were baffled, and a little mortified, to find that the Hulk actually quite liked the merry-go-round. The children, on the other hand, found it absolutely hilarious to watch the big green rage machine try to sit on a horse without breaking it. 

By the time Tony and Steve were walking pass, they found Bruce back to normal, if not a little on the naked side, trying to apologize to his escorting security guards. Looking over at the merry-go-round, they saw workers tell disappointed adults and kids that it was now closed down for repairs.

Curious, Tony and Steve followed and asked Bruce what had happened. All Tony got out of the explanation as he tried to stay out of security’s attention was something involving a kid, a Disney mascot, a lot of helium balloons, an ice cream cone and Clint taking him on the worst ride for Zen to survive in. After that, he hulked out and came to at the merry-go-round.

Not one inch of the park was safe from Clint and Natasha’s wrath. Coulson made sure to have both of them on a leash but as soon as they dived into the chaotic crowd, Coulson had lost sight of them. Both had tracking devices all over their persons, but they were also quick. As soon as Coulson had arrived at their current location, he had to struggle to actually spot them amongst every other overly excited people and most of the time, he didn’t catch sight of him before their trackers were moving away again.

In the end, Coulson gave up trying to stop their shenanigans and let it run its course. He stood with Pepper, wondering whether or not he could call SHIELD in to handle the situation – or at least contain it as much as possible.

As per usual, Clint and Natasha had a game of cat and mouse going on. Who was the mouse and who was the cat kept on changing. Their version of ‘tag’ was more like a game of who could incapacitate the other first. What everyone else saw, was something that should be in an action film or one of the superheroes versus villain fights that broke out every so often.

They were climbing over everything, darting in and out of spinning teacups, hijacking a carriage on water coasters and rafts and at one point they were scaling a Ferris Wheel. Their weapons of choice – chilidogs and slingshots with gummy bears.

Security was baffled on how to deal with the two of them There were a few times where either Natasha or Clint had “accidently” missed the other and instead hit a security guard or someone they knew with a chilidog or one of their gummy bears. Whether or not they were mocking the security around the park was something no one wanted to wonder about because, seriously, everyone who witnessed any of the unusual disturbances around the park was going to need some sort of therapy.

Thor had unsurprisingly destroyed a lot of the prize-winning games, starting with the tests of strength games, followed by dart throwing games. All of this was just to win his beloved Jane giant, stuffed animals of her choosing. It was a weird sight to see a Norse god happily munching down on pink cotton candy and carrying around a giant, purple elephant and a green monkey under his arms. Darcy had tagged along with the two of them, occasionally slipping away to pelt something at a passing Clint, with the help and approval of Natasha.

Sam Alexander and Peter Parker had ended up in a competition and ended up involving some of the X-Men. The competition – to see how many times one could ride the loopiest, fastest rollercoaster and then go on the big drop repeatedly before throwing up. The rest of Sam and Peter’s team had tried to keep it between themselves or stop the competition before it had escalated to involve the X-Men. They made it until Tony and Reed had messed with the roller coaster and they had to think of another way to out do each other and when the X-Men came into the picture, it only escalated. Dirty tricks had been used, spider webs spin, children had ended up in tears, and bad your momma jokes had been said.

*

“You know what?” Tony asked, “I think I will build that theme park after all and name it Stark Land.”

Tony gazed around the small, cramped space. There were a lot of them in the small cell and a few more handcuffed to any chairs the security could find on such short notice. From the glint in his eyes, one would assume that this had been a rather rewarding experience, except for the fact that he was currently pressed up metal bars with Steve standing rather close (who was not talking to him for some reason), Peter leaning against his shoulder in a creepy fashion, Clint listening to him and Logan, Reed, Thor (with his stuffed animals), and a couple of others sharing the cell.

“Only if we can test the rides, Stark,” Clint volunteered.

“Of course. If they aren’t hero-proof, then they’re rubbish. I mean, thank god Pepper convinced me not to buy this place. Have you checked out the rides? The rollercoasters were slow, some of the games were broken by the time Steve and I got there and I swear to god it was raining mustard and gummy bears!” Tony exclaimed.

From his spot in the cell, Clint stole a mischievous glance at Natasha, who sat, calmly and patiently, in her chair with the locks of the handcuffs already picked. Security was obviously a little scared of her so they let her be just as long as she stayed put.

“Give me one good reason why I would even let you build your own giant playground?” asked Pepper, angrily.

Tony actually tried to back away from the bars when he took in how furious she was. All that accomplished was finding a rather nice way to press his body up against Steve and seeing the blonde man blush.

“You love me too much?” It came out too much like a question and without any of the certainty he had tried to push out.

“Try again.”

“Because it would cause too much paperwork?” Tony opted.

Pepper stood there, arms folded against her chest, cheeks rose colored with anger and a stern look about her. It made Tony seriously wonder whether or not he should consider a life behind bars without any of his tech, or even Dummy and Jarvis, around, just so he could get away from that look of Pepper’s. However, the very thought of having little to nothing to do with his time and trapped in small enclosures with men who were not Steve, ended his rebellious urge for jail time. 

By the end of the day, Pepper had a migraine from dealing with the park staff and angry parents that kept coming her way. How people had gotten it in their heads that they should go complain to her about a group of people she barely knew half of was a mystery. She wondered who had the easiest job between her and Phil. The paperwork and the media alone on this were going to be horrendous. Phil Coulson had to deal with SHIELD and SHIELD came with Director Fury. Pepper didn’t want to imagine how Coulson was going to try and explain the Disneyland incident to Fury.


End file.
